Raj the Barber cuts my hair - and ear!
WARNING: True story for Mature Audiences Only. Contains 'blood' references.
My ear is bleeding!
Raj the Barber has just cut a slice out of my ear. More like a small hole than a slice. See the pic? That’s how it looks five days later.
Raj the Barber
Raj is originally from India. Seems a nice bloke. He tells me he has been in Australia for the past three years - and wants to start his own barber shop business.
He was, at the time, in the act of doing what barbers do. Chatting away while clicking his scissors around my scalp like a shearer clipping sheep at eight in the morning after five cups of black coffee.
VIDEO: Slim Dusty, ‘Click Go The Shears’ (from album, Aussie Sing Song, 1962)
Here’s how it all began
Raj the Barber: How was (click-click) Christmas?
Me: Terrific, thanks.
Raj the Barber: Watched anything good (clickety, click-click) on Netflix?
Me: Yea, The Glass Onion starring Kate Hudson, Edward Norton, and ... and ...
Raj the Barber: Who?
Me: Oh, what’s his name? The British actor who also played James Bond ...
Raj the Barber: James who?
Me: Bond. James Bond. The films, James Bond ...
Raj the Barber: The Onion is a James (click go the shears boys, click, click, click) Bond movie?
Me: Nooo, Raj. The actor who - OUCH!!!
Raj the Barber: Oh, my!!!
Me: 😨
I’m seeing a small piece of my ear on the tip of his scissors. Now it’s sliding off the blade, and dropping to the floor. Then I notice blood dripping from the cut. It drips - and drips - and keeps dripping.
In fact - the bleeding would not stop. And Edward Scissor Hands - I mean, Raj the Butcher - I mean, Barber. Raj the Barber was getting worried.
'Worried? That's a piece of my ear on the floor, mate! And my blood dripping on top of it’, I tell myself.
Raj the Barber: Hold on ...
Me: To what?
Raj the Barber: I'll fetch a box of tissues...
Me: A box?!
He dibs and dabs the top of my ear - tissue after tissue. Blood drips. He dabs then dibs some more. Still the blood flows. He fetches for a second box of tissues. I pull my phone out in case I need to call for a medic.
Raj the Barber: Sir, I'm so sorry.
Me: What? I can't hear you. That ear seems to be going deaf!
Raj the Barber: REALLY?
Me: Kidding. Got a small band-aid?
Raj steps away from the chair and returns with a First-Aid Kit. He takes out a handful of band-aids and applies one gently to what remains of my ear.
The bleeding continues into the band-aid instead of onto the floor. Progress!
Raj the Barber: May I finish your cut, sir?
Me: You mean - my hair?
Raj the Barber: Yes ...
Me: Best you do. And please - don't worry about the ear. I know a good plastic surgeon.
He looks at me with shock and horror in his eyes 😲 as blood seems to drain from his face faster than it did from my ear.
Me: I'm only kidding, mate. Carry on.
Raj finishes the rest of my haircut with the focus and dedication of a brain surgeon. I have no problem with that.
Soon afterwards he starts doing that thing barbers do with the hand-held mirror. The guys reading this will know what I mean. When the barber stands behind you while holding the mirror up and around and over the back of your head. You get to see in the large wall mirror before you what the top and back of your head looks like. 'I'm getting balder up top' is what I usually think. And I would normally utter something like, "Yep, Good. Great. Thanks." Only this time I just nod.
Fully dusted off and now with the barber's cloak whipped off me in one smooth motion - I'm standing with Raj at the cash register.
I swipe my card, and give him the usual cash tip from my wallet.
As I turn to walk out of the shop, he says ...
Raj the Barber: Again, sir. I am so sorry about your ear.
Me: (with a big smile) No worries, Raj. My lawyer will be in contact ...
We both laugh. But as Raj was laughing I could see that familiar look I see in the eyes of others who deal with me face-to-face and in person, 'Is this guy joking or serious?'
You gotta keep 'em guessing folks! 😉
Like this post? Leave a comment below. It gives me dopamine rush every time!
Loved and laughed out loud all the way through this. I really enjoy the way you put the words together Mike, you haven't disappointed yet. Looking forward to the next story.
Awsome (BLOODY )story Mike a great belly laugh to start my day ,had a similar thing happen to me few years ago in of course the Phillipines guys used 3 or 4 toilet rolls no tissues when you are paying for 100 pecos haircut told my mates at the local i had been sparring with Iron Mike Tyson and my dumbo like ear has never been the same since